dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
