girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
