White coat. Heels.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
