so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
