There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
