I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
