i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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