Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
