Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
