My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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