I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its about making memories worth repressing
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
