apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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