drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
