I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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