I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
