i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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