So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Randomize
