Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I did not marry a roomba.
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