dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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