if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
