I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
