One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
