he wants to bone in the snuggie
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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