he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize