my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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