She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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