i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
