Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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