i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
