Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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