I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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