Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
