im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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