college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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