week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
