the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
