just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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