wrigley field is MILF paradise
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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