My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
