I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
3pm strippers are depressing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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