Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
