Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
