Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
