Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
