When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
