I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize