hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
