he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
