I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
