My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
