What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm bleeding and have questions
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
