Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
