using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize