I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
