Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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