There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
