i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
