You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
