you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
