I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
