I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
