i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
