): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
