guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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