I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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