Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
