you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
no you cant smoke seaweed
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
