So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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