Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
